I want you to know me

When I was a child, there were two things I wanted to be when I grew up:  Miss America, and the first female President of the United States.  I remember worrying that someone would beat me to that second job, but as it turns out, my age may end up being about right (althought probably not my credentials, at this point).

I had given up my dreams of fame and fortune by my late teens, and knew that what I really wanted to do was become my mother (congratulate me, because I have totally accomplished this goal — just ask any of my siblings).  But once in awhile, that old dream of becoming famous crops up.  There’s a little part of me that will always pine to be Kristin Chenowith (only a little taller, and an alto).  I’m listening to NPR and start wondering what it would take to become a correspondent.  Or even a local newscaster — I know I’m at least as smart as some of those people, though my hair is all wrong.  What about those commercials featuring normal-looking people?  Could I get voice-over work?  Could Matt and I be on The Amazing Race?

Tell me you watched Julie and Julia (great movie) and wondered what kind of blog you could start that would turn you into Julie Powell.  Or Amy Adams.  Why is she so approachable and normal even though she’s beautiful and talented?  Doesn’t she make you think you could be a movie star?  Or just me?

I know I’m not the only person who harbors these yearnings for fame.  Otherwise, how would they ever get anyone to go on The Bachelor?  Or Wife Swap?  But, my pop-psychology self-analysis, and this is based on years of careful study at the feet of Oprah and Dr. Phil,  is that I don’t truly want to be famous.  What I need is validation.  I need to have a voice.  I need you to know who I am.

Being home without another adult for weeks at a time may be making these needs greater, as my very loving spouse does provide me some validation when he happens to be in the country (he tries on the phone, but it’s not quite the same).  So I’m coming back to this blog. 

I stopped blogging regularly when my kids were home all summer and didn’t find the energy for it again all fall.  I kept saying I didn’t have time to blog, but the truth is, I was spending hours every week reading other people’s blogs.  The truth is, I didn’ t have the will to write.  I would talk myself out of posting things, because they sounded stupid to me.  I would feel mortified reading my own writing, kind of like I feel when I see myself on video.  How’s that for ironic?  I’m sure Kristin Chenowith doesn’t feel mortified when she watches herself on Glee!

Now I’m thinking this post sounds stupid.  But I’m going to post it anyway.  And I’m going to try to blog every day for awhile, and see how that goes.  I know I’m not going to become famouse like Dooce, but I need validation, people!  And I might as well have something to do in the evening, because I don’ t have cable, and the TV situation is just getting worse and worse (exhibit A: Conveyor Belt of Love).


14 thoughts on “I want you to know me

  1. Toria

    I LOVE this post. I never really realized that’s why I was blogging too. Thanks for putting it into words. It’s fun reconnecting/ connecting with friends and friends of friends and family and chatting it up about whatever, whenever.
    I want to know you.

  2. lovelydainty

    I love this post. I’m always trying to figure out how other people get famous. And, just so you know, when Ellen Pag was nominated for an Oscar for Juno, I was thouroughly convinced that she had stolen my life. She is from Halifax, and she was using all my witty banter on David Letterman! I totally know where your coming from! Sometimes I feel like starting a whole new blog just for the clean slate!

  3. Denise

    Enjoyed your post. I’m convinced this is why many of us (including myself) blog. We want to be “seen” — not to be famous or better than. Just “seen.”

  4. Amy

    I don’t know who any of these “famous” people are! OK, I know who Oprah and Dr. Phil are. But anyway, I don’t care what they’re doing, but I do care what you’re doing. I’m excited to hear more about it.

  5. liz Post author

    Thanks everyone for the immediate validation!
    Sarah, you could totally be Ellen Page on David Letterman.
    Amy, you don’t know who people are because you’re so virtuous and don’t waste time watching TV. But thanks for caring about me. And you should see Julie and Julia — very clean movie with smart women and romantic marriages. You’d love it!

  6. Jonesy

    What I love most is when someone I don’t even know posts a comment on my blog telling me they liked whatever I posted about that day. :) I think you’re spot on with your comments about validation vs. fame. I don’t think most of us are narcissistic enough to want fame, we just want to know that someone appreciates the way we think, create, express, etc. It gives us motivation to continue. At least it does for me. So, way to go Liz, for expressing so well my obsession with my blog.
    (BTW, I got to your blog through Jill’s. She’s my old roommate and Brian lived across the lawn from us…just so you know I’m not some weird stalker.)

  7. Pingback: Just in case you missed my 15 minutes « Sarah’s Ponderings

  8. Jen

    I feel the same way about some of my posts. I just did one on friendship yesterday and I have worried since I posted it that it sounds dumb. I’ve been known to go in and delete posts too because I think they sound lame. But I have to remind myself that it’s my blog and I can write whatever I want! And same to you! I think it’s great that you’ve been posting again. I’ve missed reading your insights!

  9. danielle

    yeah…I agree. I think that is why most of us bother blogging at all. And I also think you should only do it when you feel like it.

    Glad you are back.

  10. Robin

    That’s totally what I was looking for when I was blogging. I think part of the reason I’ve stopped is that I felt like no one was really listening. There’s nothing worse than spilling your guts and feeling like you only hear crickets chirping. On the plus side, I just open my google reader after not checking it for a few weeks and I have like twenty posts to read!

    In other news, we really ought to get together while our significant others are in Brazil. If you ever need a break, give me a call.


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