You just can’t make this stuff up.
1. Mary: Can you help me put my shirt back on? Me and Ben were doing armpit farts.
2. Me: Sam, what’s that bandaid on your forehead?
Sam: Ben poked me with his toenail.
3. Sam: Mom, can you make Jon wash his hands? His fingers taste gross!
4. Mary: Mom, my nose is runny — take a picture!