feeling our own mortality

1* I am grateful to report that I have reached the 18 week mark, which is a very good thing, and pretty reassuring.  I’m feeling the baby move quite a bit, also reassuring.  The past few weeks have been anxiety-ridden, with everything from realistic miscarriage dreams to me envisioning my route to the hospital at the slightest contraction.  Our kids start school Monday (hooray!) and because our sad, sad day happened the first day of school last year, it’s been on my mind even more.  I can hear the worry in several people’s voices every time I talk to them, and hope everyone can feel a little less worried now.

2* I can’t stop thinking about this horrible story.  (You’ll have to click that link if you have no idea what I’m talking about, because I can’t bear to even summarize.)  I don’t even know the people, but do know a couple of people who know someone who knows them, so it’s not totally weird that I’ve been reading their blog and feel like I know everything about them (right?).  If there’s anything worthwhile about the voyeuristic blogosphere, it’s that lots of people who don’t even know this family are praying for their recovery.  Another reminder to me (and you) of how fragile we are.  The idea of a young mother not being able to care for her own children is always too much for me to bear, which is I’m sure why I can’t stop thinking about them, even to the point of dreaming about them.  (Does everyone else have bizarrely vivid, detailed, realistic dreams when they’re pregnant?  It’s starting to freak me out a little.)

3* My worst spousal fears were nearly realized two mornings ago when Matt was in a scary car accident on the way to work.  He is 100% fine, but our old accord (kind of sentimental about it — I was driving it when we were dating) is totalled.  I’m so grateful that his earlybird gene was on overdrive that morning, because this happened prior to 6 AM, and I’m certain that had it been a little later into the commute, more cars would have hit him, and the outcome could have been much worse.  Someone swerved and hit his back end, causing him to basically do a complete 360 and crash into the median.  He seemed to have taken all of this in stride, even finding himself a suitable used car and purchasing it that same day, but last night as I was getting ready to go somewhere (on the freeway) the phone rang and I heard, “Hey, be careful driving, ok?”

If we live life with fear and worry, it kind of defeats the whole purpose, doesn’t it?  Still, I think we could all stand to be a little more careful with ourselves.  So do that for me, won’t you?


11 thoughts on “feeling our own mortality

  1. Christina

    I’m so glad that you are doing well and that Matt is okay. Car accidents are so scary.
    I am such a worrier, I am trying to be better – but I think it was intensified for me after I had kids and also right now because of being pregnant.

  2. LCM

    I understand the feeling our own mortality. I am glad you are still doing well. Every time I clicked on your blog I would say a little prayer and worry about you because you haven’t updated.
    Being married to an insurance guy myself, I have had to hear about a lot of awful accidents and since we’ve moved down here, I have actually started to worry about car accidents myself. It’s great that Matt came through it so well.

  3. kira

    I was just thinking about you and the baby. I’m so glad that things seem to be going well. I have been thinking about the Nielson family too and I haven’t even read their blog. Yikes. I’m so glad Matt is okay. I had a small accident one of my first days driving home from the cottonwood mall and it took me a long time to not be freaking out a little every time I drove anywhere. Have you been feeling any better? Despite the shots…

  4. liz Post author

    Kira, I should have mentioned in this post that I am feeling quite a bit better finally — much less nauseous and exhausted. Between that and the boys going back to school, I think I might actually be able to get a few things done this fall! Thanks for thinking about us.

  5. robinbl

    Yikes! I hadn’t heard about this. Glad he’s okay. I was in a bad car accident when I was 18 in which the car was totalled but the people were not. It is so scary–I literally had nightmares about it for a few weeks. Always always always wear your seat belts, people!

  6. Jen H.

    That’s ironic, that’s exactly how Brian totalled his car as well, except I guess it’s not exactly the same because Brian was swerving to miss something in the lane, did a 180 and crashed into the median. Maybe they can have a “I survived the median” swap session on Sunday! ;) Glad everyone is ok and that you are happily onto week 18. I am nauseated into week 8! And I do know of one other gal in the ward who is pregnant right now but she doesn’t want anyone to know yet so as soon as she makes the big announcement, the 3 of us can know that we have each other to commiserate with.

  7. Sarah

    I am so glad that you are doing well and starting to feel better. I get overwhelmed all the time. I couldn’t even watch the new Batman movie without freaking out. Everytime Doug is late I get nervous. Maybe one day I’ll calm down a little. Know that we’re thinking about you. We miss you guys.

  8. Denise

    Liz, I’m so happy to hear you are feeling well and that Matt is okay. And I, too, have been reading about the Nielson family and can’t stop thinking about them, either. Our lives are indeed so very fragile. Hope you get to feeling better and better as the fall wears on.

  9. Andrew

    Glad to hear that Matt is okay. Car accidents are certainly scary. I’ll miss that old Honda too. It was a good car. Did he buy a BMW or a Lexus to replace it? :-)

  10. terra

    hi liz, i keep tabs on your cute family and i, like your mother, am so glad that you have updated your blog. i love to read what you have to say, i always laugh, and i love the pics, your kids are so cute. CONGRATS, CONGRATS…i didn’t know you were prego and that’s probably b/c you waited to announce for very understandable reasons…i will most definately keep you and the baby in my prayers, and i’ll plan for every thing to go wonderfully. nothing could be worse than having your husband in a car accident WHILE YOU ARE GROWING A HUMAN AND RAISING 4 OR 5 OTHER ONES. i am so glad that he is ok. good luck with everything. and take care. love the hutchings

  11. anne

    I find it hard to find an emotional balance between being totally worried all the time about everything (my natural inclination) and relaxing and enjoying life. Just having my husband drive everywhere on a Vespa can be nerve-wracking sometimes, and I’ve had to work hard mentally to be OK with it everyday.

    I have been so much more emotional about Stephanie and Christian than I would have predicted. Like you, I can’t stop thinking about them and I have had a lot of thoughts about faith and prayer and God’s will and miracles as I’ve prayed for them. I absolutely believe in miracles and can’t think of anyone more deserving.

    I also pray for you every day and for that little babe to make it here safely. And I have faith.

    Love to you.


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