For me, a blog is not the place to express tender feelings and innermost thoughts. But, because I have posted at some length about my pregnancy, it now seems necessary to share that we lost a little baby (he was only at 16-weeks development, but believe me, he looked like a little tiny person) this week. I’ll choose not to go into a lot of detail about this experience, but I would like to share a few things I’ve learned this week, since I think the great value of writing and reading blogs is to learn from the experiences of others.
First of all, can I tell you how grateful I am for competent and compassionate healthcare professionals, including EMTs, nurses, and doctors? We had a few scary minutes, punctuated by a fall onto the bathroom floor, but when the big, strong paramedics arrived to scoop me up, I knew everything was going to be ok. We’re pretty sure that had I been a frontier woman, I would be dead, and we are so, so thankful for modern medicine.
Have you given blood lately? If you are able, will you go do so sometime soon? I needed four units Monday night, and boy am I thankful that people are willing to donate that life-giving fluid, at their own inconvenience, and with no personal benefit. I have never thought about this much, but it becomes clear pretty quickly when you’ve lost a lot of your own blood.
I know a lot of women have struggles with getting and staying pregnant, many much more difficult than mine, so some of you already understand this well, but please never, never take your ability to bear children for granted. Every baby born is a precious miracle. I now have a less than 50% success rate (nine pregnancies, four live births) and am feeling pretty blessed and lucky to have four healthy children.
Finally, I have learned how fragile my own health is. I am the kind of woman who considers myself tough and strong, both mentally and physically. But, especially during pregnancy, things can change very quickly. During a ten minute time period, I lost enough blood to go from alert, walking around, talking on the phone, to passed out on the bathroom floor. Things can turn on a dime. Almost everyone I have talked to this week has known someone who had a scary post-birth or post-miscarriage experience with bleeding. It is important to know that heavy bleeding is dangerous and you must act quickly. One person I know told me that they thought it was just normal because of the miscarriage, so they waited quite awhile to call — I’m pretty sure she almost died. Oh, and if you’re feeling lightheaded, for heaven’s sake, lie down!
If you’d like to comment on this post, please don’t offer your condolences. I know you’re sorry that this happened to us, and we are too. We’ve been well cared-for by friends, family, and neighbors. Instead, tell me about how blessed you are, how things like this help you to appreciate your life better, or what you feel motivated to do for yourself, or for someone else, as a result of reading this. That would make my day.